Semarang 17 June 2013
Being an independent woman since i was senior high school. Tried to get some money by selling anything i can sell to my friends. I remembered i sell fake 'branded' parfume and fortunately i could sell a lot of bottles!
I guess CK should hire me to be their sales manager.. LOL
On the other day, my best friend would create bracelet made of cable and i could sell it a lot also *before i have some competitors who sell lower than my price* . So i didn't need to ask my parents' money just to buy some clothes, girl's things. I guess i was born to be a sales.
Back to the topic...
I used to be a very sweet lady who had a simple dream, A HOME!
It consists of a handsome husband , a son/ daughter, a small house, a good job.
At the time i meet 'him' these dream seemed could become reality soonest. This handsome guy seemed like me, and me? don't ask. He's a perfect guy with 189 cm tall, Indonesian handsome good looking, good job, good personality.
But it was only the appearance.. As the prophet said : you'd never know the deepest heart! Only God knows it.
The simple dream faded away, turned into tears. I could say at some hardest moment, my dream was break into pieces. If only i could stick it together, i still can see the cracking.
I never think that marriage was become a revenge idea from him to me.Without knowing what my false was.. He revenge to me because He was the one who should paid the whole events (not all actually..)
Revenge.. because i can gain so much money than him
Revenge.. because his mother left him while he was a kid
And it become worst after i lost my first kid in a deep sorrow. I struggled alone at the bed of the hospital without the one i call husband or later my kid call father. I was crying so out loud with 2 nurses holding my hands during the 'lost' period. Nothing i can change. It was written. Where was he? I let God keep the answer. At first the dream was made, i just wish a strong hand will hold me during a bad and good times.
Later i know why God take back the little one in my womb.. It is better this way. I never know what will happen in the future. Though i can see it now.
No one will understand this feeling, even until now.. Some will cry together with me, but they still don't know.
Where is the guy i wish to lead me to a family? Where is the guy who has good reputation outside.
He's gone.. together with all my dreams..
Continued
