It's not easy

Semarang, 7 May 2013

I come back... Hell yeah.. I can write down this blog because i am sick today and push me to stay at home (course with some job in front of me, sigh..)

I dont want to believe that somebody read this stupid blog.. But i thank you for it. And i am surprise that someone read this blog just to know who I am and what kind of person I am. Lets think this as a priviledge for me.

I stay at home, at my bed, after couple months lack of sleep, tough job, tiring days. This is really a good time for me to have a rest. Body and mind. And sure i dont want to waste this time.

While laying at my favourite bed, i am listening to Five for Fighting, the soundtrack for Superman edition. The lyrics really stab directly to my heart.

- I can't stand to fly..I am not that naive.. I'm just out to find the better part of me. I am more than a bird, I am more than a plane...
It may sound absurd but don't be naive. Every heroes has the right to bleed. I may be disturbed, but wont you concede. Even heroes has the right to dream. It's not easy to be me.

Being single, back bone of a family, while dealing with fragile heart. Some friends will not believe if i said i am fragile. You will not see it on me. I am trying my best to be the strongest i can be. Dealing with all mater alone.. Yes alone.. What man can do, i can do the same. Just tell me..

But sometimes.. Yes sometimes.. I am tired of it.. Tired of all it. I just want someone i can lean my head on. Without worrying about tommorow, worrying about anything. Even heroes has the right to bleed, right?

I have a best boyfriend. He is the pillar of the family (as his wife pushes his to be). His wife will get anything she wants. A house (i just wish a home actually), a nice car, a head of a family, someone beside her anytime, perhaps a shoulder to cry on. And i really envy her. With all the way to tolerate with, i am still alone. I wish i can be that woman with all the minus and plus in it. But i know i can't be!

My pastor said, a woman/ wife officially should be a wife, a secretary, a mom, a chief, and a hooker (i guarantee i can do it all, although i refuse to do it)

But what we need? Yes we are crazy about authentic Hermes birkin, Louboutin shoes, Chanel bags or YSL make ups.And wishing our guy will buy it for us. But i guess above all, a woman merely  needs a hug from a man he loves, a place to share something with (not mention we should spend 25,000 words in a day), a shoulder to cry on, a hand to cross the street.
Like Bryan Adams said (some guys complain to me, as it is immposible and make no sense to fulfill) :
" Hear every thoughts, see every dreams, bring her wings whenever she wants to fly. Tell us that we are the one."

Gosh it is really a hectic day for me. I wish to sleep soundly and have no disturber. And start to dream.

"Even heroes has the right to dream, It is not easy to be me"